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Power Rankings.
Week 9 Power Rankings: The Prophecy Continues (And My Grudges Deepen)
The Glassveil Prophets remain untouchable while the rest of the league genuinely embarrasses itself. Also, someone's going to hear about that gas station incident.
Week 9 Power Rankings: The Petty Reconvening
Brinewater is untouchable; Duskholm's arrogance is finally catching up with them. Here's the reality.
Week 9 Power Rankings: Hollowpeak Ascendant, Brinewater Descends Into Chaos
Hollowpeak's chaos algorithm is somehow working and Brenewater's found another creative way to disappoint everyone — Week 9 power rankings are here to hurt your feelings.
Week 8 Power Rankings: A Reckon With Mediocrity, Sprinkled With Vendetta
Brenda's back to settle scores — football AND personal — in a Week 8 ranking that's less about wins and more about vendettas.
Week 7 Power Rankings: The Petty Edition
Brinewater's back, Duskholm's cooked, and someone left wet footprints on my assigned parking spot. Here's who actually matters.
Week 6 Power Rankings: We've Stopped Pretending This Makes Sense
The Glassveil Prophets somehow keep winning despite defying every principle of football strategy. Everyone else is just vibing at this point — including the refs.
Week 4 Power Rankings: The Petty Edition, Featuring My Obsessive Notes on Everyone's Quarterback Podcast Appearances
The Specters are imploding faster than a wet paper bag at a pool party. Meanwhile, the Behemoths are inexplicably winning games with what appears to be a sentient turnip at half-back.
Week 3 Power Rankings: The Hierarchy of Increasingly Embarrassing Losses
The Tide is washing everyone else out to sea, the Specters are living up to their name by phasing in and out of competence, and half these teams should honestly just forfeit at this point.
Week 2 Power Rankings: The Specters Are Unhinged & I'm Here for It
Duskholm put up a clinic while everyone else discovered new and creative ways to lose. The Prophets' uniform choices are actively making their defense worse.
Week 2 Power Rankings: A Reckoning With Teams I'm Still Mad At
Brinewater's on top—for now—while Glassveil's quarterback hair is committing crimes against God's design. Also we're settling some scores.
Week 2 Power Rankings: A Reckoning of Mediocrity and Spite
The Glassveil Prophets are frauds—I've seen worse at a community college tailgate. Meanwhile, the Murkmoor Engines are inexplicably good and it's pissing everyone off.
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Power Rankings Week 4: Chaos Reigns & Brenda Has Opinions
Brenda's back with takes sharper than a defensive blitz, and nobody—not even the Engines—is safe from her petty grudges.