⚡ WEEK 8: BEHEMOTHS 27 · RAMBLERS 14⚡ TIDE HOLD ON 21-17 OVER SPECTERS⚡ CHUNK THE DOG HAS HIS OWN TRADING CARD NOW⚡ ENGINES OFFENSIVE LINE VOTED MOST TERRIFYING IN SPORTS⚡ PROPHETS ANALYTICS BLOG NOW 47 PAGES · NOBODY READ IT⚡ COLLECTIVE RUN TRICK PLAY FROM OWN 12 · IT WORKED⚡ BRENDA KILLICK HAS OPINIONS ABOUT YOUR TEAM⚡ SAINTS STILL REBUILDING · YEAR 17 OF THE REBUILD⚡ WEEK 8: BEHEMOTHS 27 · RAMBLERS 14⚡ TIDE HOLD ON 21-17 OVER SPECTERS⚡ CHUNK THE DOG HAS HIS OWN TRADING CARD NOW⚡ ENGINES OFFENSIVE LINE VOTED MOST TERRIFYING IN SPORTS⚡ PROPHETS ANALYTICS BLOG NOW 47 PAGES · NOBODY READ IT⚡ COLLECTIVE RUN TRICK PLAY FROM OWN 12 · IT WORKED⚡ BRENDA KILLICK HAS OPINIONS ABOUT YOUR TEAM⚡ SAINTS STILL REBUILDING · YEAR 17 OF THE REBUILD
#10
P

Cornelius Parch

Brinewater Tide

81

OVR

Age

29

Height

6'2"

Weight

205 lbs

Pro Yrs

7

the numerologically obsessed field general

After a failed stint as a competitive chess player, Cornelius discovered his true calling wasn't strategy but rather the physics of spiraling an oblate spheroid. He now spends his off-season consulting tarot cards to predict wind patterns and claims his best punts occur during odd-numbered lunar cycles.

Speaks in measured cadences like he's narrating a nature documentary about himself, with inexplicable references to Renaissance painters.

The ball knows what it wants to do

Geometry never lies, but the football sometimes dissembles

Refuses to use the same cleat combination twice in a season

Insists on kicking only while humming a different classical composition each week

BWT

Brinewater Tide

Brinewater