74
OVR
28
6'4"
285 lbs
6
Archetype
“Organized menace with a color-coded playbook binder”
Backstory
Went undrafted after wasting his college film study budget on spreadsheet software instead of actual coaching footage, then somehow became essential to Brinewater's scheme through obsessive opponent tape analysis and an inexplicable ability to predict hand placement patterns. He now maintains a laminated three-ring binder detailing every defensive coordinator he's faced, cross-referenced by favorite sandwich order.
In the Booth
Speaks like he's filing taxes in real time, with random emphatic hand gestures and unnecessary references to industrial lubricants.
Visual Profile
Thick auburn beard with three premature gray streaks he refuses to cover, perpetually squinting like solving a differential equation. His jersey number 39 is tattooed on his inner forearm in Comic Sans (a decision he regrets weekly and mentions constantly).
Catchphrases
The math was mathing
That's a sauce violation, dawg
Known Quirks
Color-codes all his equipment with label maker stickers and becomes genuinely upset when they peel off, sometimes asking for timeout to reattach them
Rotates three flavored Chapsticks based on humidity levels and gets them confused, once applying cherry to his teeth before kickoff
Team
Brinewater Tide
Brinewater