79
OVR
28
5'11"
215 lbs
6
Archetype
“Controlled chaos in a wind tunnel”
Backstory
Drafted in 2020 despite submitting a handwritten contract application on a napkin, Vance has spent six seasons confusing defensive coordinators by refusing to watch game film—he claims "muscle memory doesn't need narrative context." His most productive games coincide exactly with weeks he's been fined for uniform violations.
In the Booth
Sounds like he's simultaneously gaming and reading your question off-screen, perpetually amused by his own half-formed thoughts.
Catchphrases
The blitz is just vibes with momentum
Stats are what we call retroactive cope
Known Quirks
Wears intentionally mismatched cleats, insists it "scrambles defensive recognition patterns"
Live-tweets his own play calls during drives to avoid coaching staff interception
Team
Crestfall Collective
Crestfall