96
OVR
34
6'0"
198 lbs
14
Archetype
“the dynasty's forgotten keeper, eternally summoned”
Backstory
His father, grandfather, and great-grandfather all punted for the Behemoths—each more inexplicably dominant than the last—and Horatio refused to break the generational curse by doing anything else. Legend claims he can make a football hang in the air so long that meteorologists start tracking it.
In the Booth
Speaks in the measured, funereal cadence of a PBS documentary narrator discussing geological timescales.
Catchphrases
Another 43 years, another day
The Behemoths demand tribute
Known Quirks
Wears the exact same pre-game socks his great-grandfather wore in 1987, now held together by prayers and athletic tape
Requires exactly 47 practice punts per session, citing "sacred geometry sustains the dynasty"
Team
Hollowpeak Behemoths
Hollowpeak